Nicky Noir & Shin the Pin

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It’s only Monday and I’m already out of good feelings for the week. Here’s a word to the wise: if it’s Monday, stay in bed, snuggle up to someone with no morals or read a goddamned book. Don’t spend a Monday morning—morning for godsake!—trawling Koreatown looking for a pin. Now, I know a lot of…

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Art History 201

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Half the class was asleep, but the teaching assistant was undeterred. He kept droning on about renaissance painters in the darkened lecture hall while slides flashed by leisurely from the projector. Kevin shifted in his seat and stretched his back to keep focused. There were a dozen places he would rather be and art history…

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The Journalist

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Hugo made his notes in his tight script with a cheap black pen. Mark ignored him, staring down instead at his phone which seemed to chime or beep every few seconds. “Investors,” Mark said. His tone was fraternal, as if there were some shared understanding between them. “You know how it is.” “I’d like it…

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Closing the Deal

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Nick took a deeper breath than he wanted to and a shallower one than he needed. He smiled and closed his folder. “Any questions?” he asked. One of the clients sat with his hands folded while the other merely tapped his pen on the desk. They looked at each other from across the table, they…

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All In

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Max hadn’t said anything for forty-fifty miles and Remy was starting to feel the silence clawing up under his skin. He made a poker joke and Max shot him a glare so withering that he let another fifty miles go by. They drove out for the Louisville poker semi-final and Max hadn’t done well. No…

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The Realtor

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“This is the last apartment on our list,” Mike explained, as he unlocked the door. The two men walked into the apartment and began looking around. Mike pointed at the walls and Damien’s eyes followed. “As you can see the walls were repainted very recently: it’s a warmer color, but you can feel free to…

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Boy Gallery

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Champagne and the light tinkling of conversation are like drugs to the rich, maybe it makes them feel less alone to drink in bright spaces with a soundtrack of other people as a cushion. I can’t afford to attend the gallery even though I live just a few blocks away. Instead I get dressed in…

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Nicky Noir & The Hangover

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Never play chicken with a bottle of gin and a Thursday night, you’ll always lose, and Friday morning sunlight isn’t particularly sympathetic. So I’m lying with my head down on my cool faux-wood desk, while Penny — bless her heart — tries to keep my phone from ringing. I should be working, I’m dressed for…

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The Barber

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The women in the shop call Caleb a hairdresser behind his back. It’s mostly because they want to fuck him and derision helps take the edge off of desire. He walks in at noon and sets up his station, he’s warm and polite, but doesn’t gossip with the other stylists. He only takes male clients…

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Man & Pig

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“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” -Samuel Johnson Firio arrived at the party with his piglet on a short leather leash. He did not tie up his piglet in the pen with the other animals though, he did not feel that any of those other…

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The Driver

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“Tell that fucking juice-head faggot that if he doesn’t close the account I’m going to feed him his fucking balls in court. I’ll sue the dick off of him and shut down his studio. He’s not fucking my ass for another fucking season, you got me?” Lou howled into his phone. His little round face…

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The Office Assistant

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Every order I get from my boss starts: “Mallory, I need…” Whether the request following is a report of third-quarter earnings from 2003 or a skinny chai latte with extra whipped cream, email or text message it always starts the same. It’s infuriating. It also doesn’t help that it’s 6:30 on a Friday night and…

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A Royal Wedding

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Ferris looked out the window and all he saw were the people. They had started coming at dawn and they hadn’t stopped. The streets were lined with them and there seemed to be no end to them. All of them had come to see the prince wed and the prince, quite frankly, wanted them gone….

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Planet of the Babes

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“Dude, where are you going with those tiki torches?” Pete was squatting down grabbing an armful of torches from the bottom row of the massive hardware store shelf. I diligently kept my eyes off of his sagging, beltless, waist and the bright orange cartoon character whose head began at the waistband of his boxers. Pete…

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The Underwear Game

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First you’ll need to convince him to play. It shouldn’t be difficult, he’s always horny and the idea of something a little different will get him hard. Then you’ll need to find the perfect pair of underwear to put him in, I’d suggest a pair of soft cotton boxer briefs. I’m terribly biased, but just…

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The Diner

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I work at the Diner off Shelby St., you probably know the one. It’s between Grant and 1st Avenue. We’re a 24 hour operation and I mostly work the night shifts. It’s easier for me to sleep in the day. I don’t know why. After about two a.m. we start to get a lot of…

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The Gentleman’s Agreement, Pt. 2

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“Officer Hawthorne, can you read that back to me?” Warren looked up, eyes bleary and thoughts elsewhere. He glanced down at the dictation. He had taken it with only a portion of his concentration, but he was fairly sure it was competently done. David Brown, his commanding officer, regarded him with a look of patient…

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11:58

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Hugh switched off the radio because otherwise he might have put his fist through it. It was bad enough that he was sitting in a ditch on New Year’s Eve, but the tow truck was still an hour out and the clock was ticking inexorably toward midnight. ‘Happy fucking New Year to me,’ he groused,…

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The Gentleman’s Agreement

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1920s New York… It was the third week of the contest at and quite a crowd had shown up to watch the contestants work. Warren arrived early in order get a seat at the bar even though he had only a passing interesting in the forthcoming show. The bartender came right over with a dishrag…

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Boston [The Wanderer Series]

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You’re lighting a cigarette using a thrice-borrowed lighter on its last legs. It takes four flicks and a little hope before you can coax the flame. The cigarette is one of those godawful things with the ball of menthol you smash to suffuse the smoke stick with cooling mint. It’s a ridiculous concept, but it…

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The Man Awards

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Preliminaries pt. I “And without further delay, let’s begin. Now our first contestant is a banker from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. Everyone give a round of applause for Christian.” Christian saunters out onto the stage to healthy applause while putting a hand up in a congenial wave, grinning, and winking liberally at the crowd….

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Brooklyn [The Wanderer Series]

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The sun is coming down, but the heat is not. The thermometers have capped at some unreal degree and the dogs can’t close their mouths. There’s a dark brown man playing a drum solo on an empty paint tub with his whole body. You head to the best Thai place on Washington Avenue and drink…

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The Dressing Room

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“Ok. I’m going into the subway, so I’m gonna lose you. Talk later?” “Hold up. I wanted to ask…you got a suit for the rehearsal dinner, right?” Eddie froze on the last step and mouthed: fuck me. “Of course I did.” “Awesome. We won’t have time to do it tomorrow. We have to head straight…

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The Interview

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“Listen, Nick,” the interviewer said, putting down the resume. “On paper you’re exactly what this firm is looking for. But the partners aren’t thrilled about recent grads.” Nick fought the urge to rub his lips. A nervous habit, like adjusting your collar, which he also was trying not to do. “In all honesty, sir —”…

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Soft Landing Place

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“You’ve got to listen to this shit. By far the best thing you’ve ever heard…today,” Caden said as he hopped up onto the counter. He searched the counter for the audio input cable. Felix just shook his head. “You’re on my counter, Cade. Your ass is in the way of dinner.” He said in his…

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